School Stinks!

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I am SO bummed that Calin and Skylar are starting up school again.  We have literally had the funnest summer together.  On top of the fact that my “nannies” are gone, I will also miss my little sidekicks.  Bummer!

War Stinks….

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If you recall, I had a “mystery woman” who stole all of my Iwako Erasers recently.  Well, by careful retraction of events and stealth private investigation, I discovered it was Calin - my stinkpot niece.  She would never admit to it, until about two weeks ago, she casually mentioned, “Lindsey, you are SO boring now that you have a kid.  You haven’t even done anything about our war.”  So it is her!  My simple response was, “I am just waiting untilo you least expect it.”  She said, “yeah right” and had no faith in what I am capable of. 

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I had the plan long ago, but it wasn’t until today I got to put my plan into action!  So on Calin’s first day of seventh grade, with her new Marc Jacobs bag on her shoulder….people are going to start whispering.  They are going to wonder if she forgot to shower or something….but then they are going to think something even worse may have happened, like she was REALLY nervous for her first day!  She might even wonder herself, what is going on.  But when she goes to grab her first pencil of the day….she is going to see that she shouldn’t mess with me….and that War Stinks!  Thanks for providing the diaper Scout!

BBBRRRAAATTTT!!!!!

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I guess when you have a little sister that always tries to be like you, it gets to you sometimes!  But this time, she has really gotten to me! 

Tristen’s new thing is that whenever she comes over to our house when the baby is not awake, she just “checks” on him, and then he is magically awake!  Funny thing is that after four months, Micah finally set up our baby monitors, so I know exactly what is going on in the baby’s room. 

This morning, Tristen came over about 45 minutes after putting Scout down for his long morning nap.  Against my wishes, she “checked” on him.  I curiously and anxiously listened by the monitor to hear the door slowly creak open.  Then what she thought were delicate footsteps over to the crib.  A few little taps on the bare back…and then a surprised HUH!  She spotted the monitor and knew she was caught red handed.  She tried to play it off, like she knew I was listening all along and whispered “MAMA” in the monitor so I could hear.  Then I hear Scout’s mobile playing “By The Sea”, as I irritatingly head over to the room.  When I get there, she quickly says, “he was already awake”.   I think NOT, as I see the sweetest little swollen eyes opened about half way.  He looks up at me and then puts his head down again.  Then Tristen says…”Whoops!”

I told her she is his caretaker for the next two hours, and then this is what I found………………..

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(Notice he doesn’t like it!!!)

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The final looks….

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His dad is going to kill her!  And my mom just says that we will make beautiful girls!

(P.S. - Megan just called and asked what was going on.  We told her the above story, to which she replied, “Funny you mention that.  Last night we were looking through the baby videos, and Lindsey…your kids are dead.  You were the meanest aunt.  You were always making our kids eat gross stuff and when Chloe just started walking, you were yelling…trip her, trip her!”  –Well times have changed Megan, and I am much nicer now!)

(P.S.S. - I told Tristen to clean it all off, and she hesitantly reported that it will all come off in the pool….except maybe the lipstick.  Apparently she couldn’t find a dark enough color in the regular type of listick….so she moved onto the permanent stuff.)  -Don’t worry crowd - I have the remover!

A Quick Recap

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I got up at 4:45 am.  We headed to Los Angeles around 6:15 and didn’t have very much traffic.  We stopped for breakfast and got to the studio early — a whopping 5 minutes early which is amazing for my family.  When we got there, all of the other families looked nice — already dressed and ready to go.  On the other hand, our family was still in sweats and grubbies (except the always ready-to-go Trilby).  To my mom’s disgust, we dressed out on the street with Scout’s baby blanket covering us. 

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When we got in, my mom and the kids were sent to a “green room”, and we had a “rehearsal” to give the producers an idea of our energy level that morning.  They also went over all of the rules and a little strategy.  One thing they said that hit home was that when we picked the two people for the fast round, don’t just pick people because they want to be picked…pick the best people.  (This was an interesting piece of strategy that any lame rod would know, but for our family’s benefit, we were all glad that Tristen heard it.)  After that comment, and while Brook, Megan, Trilby and I were giving secret thumbs up signals, Tristen said, “I don’t care what they say, I am going up.”  

I am proud to say that our family was the first to be picked for the show!  Our first show went pretty well.  John O’Hurley loved our family and so did the producers.  They said we make great TV, and that was evident when Tristen introduced us all.  She said, “Hi, I am Tristen, blah,blah,blah….this is my ‘bossy’ sister Lindsey, my ’single’ sister Trilby, my ‘nicest’ sister Megan, and my ‘littlest’ brother Brook.” Then she told the host how good looking he is and he kissed her hand.  Not wanting to be the “not kissed” sister, I crossed my hand over Tristen and had him kiss my hand too.  I guess my family is what I know, so it isn’t unusual, but apparently our family is a bunch of “hams”.  In fact, the casting director came by and told us we were making her look good.  Our game was pretty competitive, and it literally came down to the last question…and thank goodness for Brook - we stole the round and ended up getting to the fast round. 

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Of course Tristen went first.  She did OK, but got really flustered on one answer so she passed. Her excuse — “I kept thinking of Mormon answers!” The question was ”Name something a family should do together.”  Her answer was going to be family home evening, but she knew it wasn’t going to be up there and got flustered.  At the end, John O’Hurley announced that she ended up with 83 points. She then told him, “my bossy sister is going to KILL me when she gets out here!”  I did — going first, she should have at least gotten us half of the points.  In fact, because she has all of the opportunities to get the #1 answers, she should have well into the 125 point range.  Luckily when I went out, I was really focused and calm.  When they were turning over my answers, there was one left to turn over.  I needed 29 points to win, and Tristen had already given the number one answer that had 48 points attached to it.  So if you do the math, I really needed to give the #2 answer that had a lot of the rest of the points.  It was tight, and when my answer flipped over, by the skin of our teeth, 33 points gave us the W-I-N!

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We had a great day, topped off by shopping in L.A. and a great dinner.  Too bad the second show didn’t go as smoothly, but the producer said to stay tuned because they want to have us back for the “tournament of champions!”  Sounds great if Brook and I do the fast round!

I am offended…

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My mom has to get surgery tomorrow, and there has been this palpable tension over the last few days.  I haven’t quite figured out what it was all about until this morning.  My sister Megan called and talked to my mom.  During the call my mom started laughing, so afterwards I asked what was so funny.  She told me that Megan was the third person to ask who was taking her to her surgery, because they all wanted to make sure it wasn’t me — how rude!  I thought it was funny that Tristen was taking off work, Trilby is coming home early from her job, and even Micah’s name has been mentioned for some pitching in, but I have never been asked or even told about the surgery in the first place! (I heard it through the grapevine) 

Apparently it all stems back to three years ago.  My mom was getting a different minor surgery and I was elected to take her.  Because it was minor (she defends it with, “but I still had to go under!”), I didn’t think it was a very big deal to go into the hospital with her.  And instead of having to go through the hassle of getting a ticket, driving through the whole parking lot, and then waiting in the long line of cars to go out….I just pulled a fast U-Turn and dropped her off on the sidewallk outside of the hospital.  I thought nothing of it until I came home a few hours later to ridicule, mean phone messages and looks of disgust by everyone.  Whoops, I guess I should have gone in.

Everyone thought I had learned my lesson on being compassionate, until a few months ago.  I was taking my mom to a doctor’s appt. and found that the whole area and parking structure was under construction.  I turned around and went to an adjacent parking lot where she could walk to her building.  When we pulled in she looked at me and was silent.  I asked her if it was a problem if she just walked, and to my surprise she got out, started closing the car door and said, “YES”!  Whoops, I should have gone in.

So I guess I am lucky???  At least I am off the hook for taking her anymore.  But does she really want Tristen to take her?  Last time Tristen had her, she made my mom write out her will on a little piece of paper she scrounged up….and had it “witnessed” by two other patients waiting to be admitted.  Interestingly…Tristen ended up with everything.

Bowl Season Arrives Early in 2007

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For Lindsey’s 31st birthday dinner, she went, as she likes to say, “out of the box”–the cereal box that is.

First, we started with dessert.  Pat made a delicious pineapple upside-down cake–Lindsey’s second in as many days–and we devoured it instantly. 

Once the cake was sufficiently settled in our stomachs, we moved to the main course which was both a meal and an event.  But not a bit healthier than the cake. 

To end all childhood debates, we created the first-ever Sugar Cereal Bowl.  The competition that would determine once-and-for-all which Sugar Cereal is the greatest. 

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 The six judges were selected from thousands of candidates; each possessed a sensitive palate and an iron stomach–or so they claimed.  Each judge had two bowls, one spoon, and a selection of milks that included 2%, skim, and vanilla soy.  In each pairing, judges could eat as much of each cereal as needed to determine their favorite of the two.  Excess milk and cereal would be deposited into the Junk Bowl between rounds.   

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16 cereals were separated into two regions and four divisions, the pairing selections for the 1st round were selected randomly as follows:

Wheaties Region
Tony the Tiger Division
Honeycomb
Apple Jacks
Sugar Free Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Cocoa Puffs

Count Chocula Division
Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch
Froot Loops
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Chocolate Lucky Charms

Special K Region
Snap, Crackle, & Pop Division
Trix
Reese’s Puffs
Cap’n Crunch
Fruity Pebbles

Honey Bee Division
Apple Cinnamon Cheerios
Lucky Charms
Cookie Crisp
Cap’n Crunch Berries

Divisional Semi-Finals
The competition got started in the Tony the Tiger division, as Apple Jacks beat Honeycomb by a unanimous 6-0 vote, and Cocoa Puffs narrowly defeated Reduced Sugar Cinnamon Toast Crunch in a 3-3 tie breaker (Lindsey’s pick won). 

In the other half of the Wheaties region, Froot Loops beat Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch by a 4-2 margin, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch easily defeated Chocolate Lucky Charms 4-1 in the Count Chocula division.

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The toughest division appeared to be Snap, Crackle, & Pop with four strong contenders–including both of Lindsey’s pre-competition favorites, Reese’s Puffs and Fruity Pebbles.  Reese’s Puffs defeated Trix 4-2, and in the upset of the competition, Cap’n Crunch defeated Fruity Pebbles 3-2.

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Apple Cinnamon Cheerios somehow snuck into the Honey Bee division (named after its sister cereal’s mascot), but there would be no nepotism here.  In back-to-back landslides, Lucky Charms defeated Apple Cinnamon Cheerios 6-0 and Cap’n Crunch Berries defeated Cookie Crisp 5-0. 

Divisional Finals
By the time we reached the divisional finals three of the six judges had relinquished their positions.  Calin, Trilby, and Tristen had all dropped out due to stomach ailments, taste bud numbness, or any of another dozen excuses that none could back up with scientific evidence.  Only Micah, Lindsey, and Skylar remained to determine the Sugar Cereal Champion.

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In the Tony the Tiger division, Apple Jacks destroyed Cocoa Puffs 3-0 to earn its place in the Wheaties regional finals.

In the Count Chocula division, Froot Loops smeared Cinnamon Toast Crunch 3-0 and earned a trip to the Wheaties regional finals.

In the Snap, Crackle, & Pop division, which was suddenly wide open, Reese’s Puffs narrowly defeated Cap’n Crunch 2-1 and saw its way to the Special K regional finals where it would meet Cap’n Crunch Berries who had waltzed into the regional finals with a 3-0 victory over Lucky Charms.

Regional Finals
The regional finals were both heated battles, worthy of all the pre-taste hype surrounding the event.  Froot Loops was the first to reach the Sugar Cereal Championship by defeating Apple Jacks 2-1 in a fierce battle that was not without its share of controversy.  Rumors of judge tampering ran rampant after Skylar appeared to change her vote to match Lindsey’s; slow-motion replay could neither confirm nor deny the accusations so the results stood as reported.  However the voting process would be changed to a blind vote for the remainder of the competition.

The Special K regional final was an epic slugfest.  Cap’n Crunch Berries defeated Reese’s Puffs 2-1 setting the stage for the long-awaited Sugar Cereal Championship.

Championship
The Championship was a battle of cereal heavyweights.  Froot Loops, the lone survivor from the Wheaties region, squared off against the Special K region champ Cap’n Crunch Berries. 

Lindsey had voted for the winning cereal in each of the preceding 14 matches, so odds makers anxiously awaited her vote.  Tension mounted when she revealed that she had voted for Cap’n Crunch Berries, but in a late charge Froot Loops cornered the final two votes to claim the first-ever Sugar Cereal Championship. 

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Good Times!

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When Susi asked Gary what he wanted for his birthday, his response was….”mom, the only thing I want for my birthday is to go to L.A. with you and Lindsey, go shopping and have some good food.”

So what Gary wanted is what Gary got!  Susi, Gary and I (+Scout) all headed up to L.A. for a day of shopping and hanging out.  Tristen and Brit were on their way home from a “Thelma and Louise” weekend drive to Santa Barbara in the convertible, and ended up meeting us there — a fun addition to the day!  We all met up in Hollywood, and the fun began!

 First Stop…Marc Jacobs

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We all got darling Marc Jacobs bags/totes that are great for a night away, the beach, or anything else you may need a great bag for.  We also got wrist bags that fit all of the essentials perfectly in case I need to just “run out”.  I picked black patent leather for the bag, and red patent leather for the wrist bag.  I also got Micah a cute shirt, the girls great school totes and other goodies for different people.

Second Stop….Fred Segal / Free City

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We all got the GREATEST sweatpants ever!  Free City is a little side shop to Fred Segal with the comfiest and cooziest sweatpants and shirts ever!  We were all having so much fun picking out our different colors and sizes.  I ended up with green, alongside Tristen and Susi.  Brit and G both got mustard yellow, and Micah got a black pair!  Gary was so excited about this stop because he knows I am a girl who loves to come home and curl up in my sweats!  These honestly should be on Oprah’s Favorite Things show. (Also note that the paparazzi was camped outside to see Elle MacPherson come out.)

Third Stop…..Helen Ficcolora

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(they are all in gold, and one heart is 1/2 the size of the other…too bad I am horrible with a camera and couldn’t just take the stinking picture!)

Gary gave me a heart HF necklace two years ago for my B-Day.  I guess it was about time to update the necklace with some more adorable charms.  I ended up with a crown with three little diamonds in it and another heart - but a mini one.  Micah is the big heart, I am the crown and Scout is the mini heart.  It is SO cute, and we had the best time looking at everything and trying everything on!  Tristen and Brit got butterfly best-friend charms, Sus got the cutest pearl bracelet/necklace (Tristen and I got it for her in honor of Pearl Leigh Seastrand that is currently in Britni’s tummy….hence the later post because i wasn’t allowed to announce the baby until Jason knew!), and G Funk got a very cool I.D. bracelet that he is going to engrave on.  He keeps going back and forth on what it will say, but the latest is “8-21-07″ representing the best birthday he’s ever had!

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Last Stop…The Ivy

We ate at The Ivy and had a fabulous meal.  The restaurant was quaint and had a really homey feel.  The food was spectacular.  The lobster ravioli, ceasar salad and onion rings were to die for! I don’t always think the celebrity hot spots are all that great, but this place can cook!  Our waiter was really good and funny…when I asked to have the same thing Paris Hilton orders, he asked me if I really did want a tic tac and diet coke!  Great stop to eat!

Because we had two cars, Gary and I drove home with the top down in the convertible.  We blasted the heat, blared the music, and sang our way home!  Good Times!

I would like to note that Scout was along for the festivities, and he was perfect!  He did not cry, he did not fuss, he just sat and enjoyed the day as much as we all did.  At the Ivy, Gary and I were sitting on the bench with pillows behind us.  We propped Scout up and he sat there enthralled in everything that was happening for over 2 hours!  Everyone commented on how calm and cool he was, and I just smiled and answered, “I taught him everything he knows!”  That is when Tristen and Britni both rolled their eyes!

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Happy, Happy Birthday Gary……let’s do it again for my birthday!

 

Family Feud Here We Come!!!

August 31st is the big day — I think I will get everyone Ice Cream Sandwiches to CELEBRATE!!!  Wish our ridiculously NON-GAMER family good luck!

I might be a teacher pretty soon!

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Skylar, in anticipation of school starting up again in three weeks, has asked me over a dozen times if I will “homeschool” her.  The first few times I just laughed, but now I lead her on like I am really considering it.  When she asked me this morning, I told her that her first assignment was to write me a list of pros and cons regarding the idea.  She came back, and happily exclaimed she had no cons!  I told her there were cons, and to use her “creative thinking” to come up with one.  When she finally turned her paper in, there was one very serious con she said….”my mom might say no!”  However, her list of pros said “take care of the baby” three times, which I think is the underlying reason of the whole obsession.  When Trilby came home, Skylar tried to influence her, but Trilby is dead set on supporting the public school system and having Skilly attend. 

I also think she may have heard about the time when I was Britni Samuelian’s mentor on career day.  Everyone else was hooked up with the Laguna Beach Mayor, Lawyers, Doctors, CEO’s, and Brit was with “Lindsey the (unemployed at the time) Broadcast Journalist”!  All was good until Steve came home in the early afternoon to find me and Brit tucked comfortably in his bed with the remote in hand.  He asked what on earth we were doing, and Britni excitedly explained that I was her mentor for career day.  Steve asked what career I was teaching Britni, and I told him, “In an effort to really help Britni understand the difficult future that lied ahead in her broadcasting career….we were watching every talk show on TV and dissecting what we liked and didn’t like”.  That particular day, Britni decided that Oprah’s dark purple was very slimming, and a great on-camera color!

Mystery Woman…THIS IS WAR!!!

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I went in to admire my Iwako collection tonight, and only saw a note that said the following:

Lindsey-  I found out that 5 of my friends collected Iwakos.  I sold all of them 4 5.00$ for 3 erasers.  Very sorry about your loss. -Mystery Women

I am not totally sure who the mystery women/woman is, but I have a couple of thoughts.  First of all, there is a pretty confusing part in the letter which tells me the M.W. is possibly young.  I also noticed that four wasn’t spelled out, but rather written in number form (4), which tells me the person is very into I.M.ing or texting, and finally the note is written on the exact type of lunch sack in the pantry downstairs, which tells me I might have the M.W. under my very same roof. 

It could be Skylar, but she would be WAY too scared.  Micah knows he will be out more money if I have to go and buy a whole new collection, and I also don’t think he has any friends collecting Iwakos.  My mom is out of town, and Trilby is never really in my closet.  Which leaves my young, text messaging, little niece who lives in my exact house to be the culprit.  Calin…you aren’t such a mystery, and I have three words for you, that you are going to wish I never uttered……..THIS IS WAR!

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(If you are up to speed from the last post…here is Calin’s shelf that gives me another reason to assume it is her…..Jealousy!) ….BTW Calin - How lame is your bouncy ball collection! (and learn how to use spell check!)